Spider-Man Homecoming Review by Sir Kent

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Spider-Man Homecoming Review by Sir Kent

Toylab's amazing Film Critic and Blogger extraordinaire takes on the webslingers newest film entry!


Sir Kent Rating a whopping 8/10!

Michael John Douglas (born September 5, 1951), known professionally as Michael Keaton, is an American actor, producer and director. He first rose to fame for his comedic film roles in Night Shift (1982), Mr. Mom (1983), Johnny Dangerously (1984) and Beetlejuice (1988), and he earned further acclaim for his dramatic portrayal of the title character in Tim Burton's Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992).


You all may be asking “Why are you starting out a review on SPIDERMAN: HOMECOMING talking about Michael Keaton?” Well it makes me happy to see actors like him having this resurgence in popularity. Actors like him, Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell who are all being shown love by an industry that not long ago, would have had them all but forgotten to the world of “Whatever happened to…?” It makes a guy of a “Certain Age’ like myself see other guys like that do well. Anyway, shall we being, eh? There was a lot to like but still, a few things to hate about SPIDERMAN: HOMECOMING. As usual, I’m going to start with what I didn't like first.

First and foremost WHY oh WHY can’t f'BEEPin’ SONY NOT show EVERYTHING in their trailers? Much like the repeated way they have ruined The Fantastic Four and my boy Dr. Doom, they F'BEEP'ED the opening scene of this movie up too!

You know that 5 minute scene that they let you see online? Well THAT shit is the very first 5 minutes of the movie! I SO DON'T feel bad about spoiling that! As a matter of fact, I consider it to be a PSA. If you need to go piss or check your phone or make a snack run, you've got 5 whole fuckin’ minutes to do so!

THANKS for that, Sony. I will never understand WHY they even felt the need to DO that? It's not like the movie was gonna crash like GHOST IN THE SHELL. People wanted to see this one. Sony obviously hasn't wrapped their heads around that trailers have now become as big a part of the movie industry as the movie itself.

If you don't CAREFULLY market the movie and show JUST ENOUGH of the movie to tease people to make them throw money at you, you're going to F'BEEP it up! and Sony, YOU F'BEEP'ED IT UP! Much like my boy Dr. Doom. (NO! I'm NEVER letting that sh'BEEP go!)

Alright alright rant over for now.....wait.....wait........DAMN YOU SONY for F'BEEPING up my Boy DOCTOR DOOM!

Alright, I'm good now. It is all out of my system,...mostly.

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) being a mature role model to Peter Parker (Tom Holland)? That makes about as much sense as me EVER being the designated driver on a Saturday night. I'm not sure who else they would have used in the movie other than Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) but, ANYBODY other than Tony! Still while not making much sense, it does add a lot to the film's fun factor. Lets just face it Robert Downey Jr can act circles around everybody else and this film gives him another chance to do just that.

Those were my two big complaints about this movie. Not only were they nearly perfect on story, casting and acting, they made a social statement that will stay with me. Michelle (Zendaya) is on a field trip with her group of nerds (F'BEEP I don't know the proper name for group of really smart high school kids.) When they get to the Washington Monument, she is asked by her teacher if she wanted to go up with everybody else. She replies “Nope. I'm not in a hurry to idolize something that was built by slaves.” The teacher turn and looks at a security officer shaking his head like “Yup muthuF'BEEP'a. Girls right.”

So she stays back and reads a book. Thats one thing about this version of Spiderman I really liked. The cultural diversity was on full display. Flash Thompson is now, not only a nerd like Parker that runs in his circles but, he's an Indian kid! The love interest for Parker was a biracial Black girl. Adrian Toomes/The Vulture is married to Garcelle Beauvais/Doris Toomes. I think this movie takes a monumental step forward in that regard.

NOW, the gist of the movie (Yes that was a PORN REFERENCE!, duck and cover fools). SPIDERMAN: HOMECOMING tells the story of 15-year-old Peter Parker in the wake of The Civil War battle. He was recruited by Tony Stark and with the exception of having his ass handed to him by Captain America, proved himself to be an incredible asset. But Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) being Tony Stark totally takes that for granted and underappreciates that and relegates him to being exactly what we know him to be. A friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Side Plot, Adrian Toomes/The Vulture (Michael Keaton) owns a heavy construction company that he has invested everything into and he has bid on and won the rights to clean up after superpowered battles. That is UNTIL SHEILD, on behalf of Tony Stark, step in and take it all away from him and his team. They use a room full of lawyers and state that because of the alien technology that's involved and it's unknown and potentially volatile nature, it is not safe for a civilian company to handle. So SHIELD would be taking over. You get where they are coming from but, Toomes has done everything right and rightfully pissed off.

He filed the proper paperwork, won bids EVERYTHING and y'all just gonna step in and ass rape him like his first night in prison?!?! WHAT THE FLYING MONKEY SH'BEEP?!?! You kinda feel for Toomes because this means that his company and his family are now essential broke and niether SHIELD nor Stark even TRY to give him back his money! Thus, a villain is born.

Flash forward 3-6 months into the film and Parker is STILL being made to feel like a side-bitch by Tony Stark. He still has to go through Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) to even TRY and get to Tony and Happy ain't letting that sh'BEEP happen! So he does what every 15-year-old kid with superpowers does...HE F'BEEPS UP! People tend to forget, there is no “How to be a superhero’ manual". If you're not the child of a superhero, most of this sh'BEEP is straight OTJT (On The Job Training) and add to that the fact that he’s only 15, he makes a lot of mistakes. Including webbing up a guy trying to break into his own car PLUS trying to figure out how to balance his normal life with being a street level superhero. You know that good old standard bread and butter Spider-Man schtick.

Some of the pressure is taken off by the fact that his best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) now knows who he is. He tends to make him crazy with all the questions but it's nice having someone he can vent to. In the midst of all of this, a rash of robberies being committed using high-tech weapons that no one has ever seen before and are incredibly powerful and dangerous. As Spider Man finds out one night when he stops a group of them from breaking into an ATM. One of the robbers gets off a shot that destroys the storefront of a corner store that is very close to Peter's home and he uses all the time. THIS is why street level heroes like Spider Man, Luke Cage, DareDevil, The Punisher and Jessica Jones are so important. They realize what is being destroyed around them in these battles and have a real interest in trying to protect things like homes and businesses.

Spider-Man realizes that these alien technology weapons if left unchecked could grow to be a global threat. Spider Man TRIES to tell Ironman but is totally blown off. So, he tries to handle it himself. I wanted to mention something that Sony did VERY well. How they took a D-List villain AT BEST and made him a muthuf'BEEPin’ BAD ASS! The Exoskeleton Wing Suit that Toomes uses as The Vulture was a super impressive piece of tech. It was visual eye candy on film and made him absolutely terrifying.

Not only did it tend to act more like a partner than just a tool at times in the movie, its abilities were more impressive than the updated wings of The Falcon in Civil War. The wings were strong enough to smash through rebar reinforced support beams without a scratch. The retractable talons that ran down the legs of the suit has enough power to puncture through solid steel cases and the wings themselves had enough lift and thrust to carry at least a 1000 pounds. Not to mention, when Toomes stepped out of it and it was just resting in its stand on its launchpad, it kinda looked like a vulture. Just waiting for someone to die and be consumed. Totally a freaky vibe that is great for a villian.

It was VERY cool seeing Toomes figure out that Peter is Spider Man just through a conversation with him and his daughter on their way to the homecoming dance. The scene in the car I can safely say kinda made me think of the diner scene between Robert De Niro and Al Pacino in HEAT (1995). Toomes pulls a sidearm on Parker after his daughter goes into the dance. He ask Parker if his daughter knows that he's really Spider Man? Of course Parker tries to lie.

This is when my tactical mind kicks in. You're trapped in a car with a man and a sidearm. Yes, you are faster and stronger than him but, there's no room to maneuver. If this goes to F'BEEPsville, you may not survive the ride. So just answer his questions.

Toomes tries to explain to Parker that everything he has done, he has done for his family, for his employees. If you (Parker) were older, you would see that it's NOT JUST BLACK AND WHITE sometimes! Sometimes, in order to support the ones you love, you have to do things that you don't like. He goes on to say that tonight will be his last job. With this haul, he can F'BEEP Stark REAL good and set him and his crew up for good in the weapons market.

He tells Peter that he can even walk away from it. He is willing to let Parker walk because he did save his daughter at the Washington Monument. But if he interferes with this last job, he will kill everybody he ever loved. Once AGAIN, I am TORN! I mean, HE WAS F'BEEP'ED HARD by Stark!

What do you do with this if you are Peter. If this is his last job and if Peter is in love with his daughter. Would you just turn a blind eye…? THIS is why people identify with Spiderman so much. His naivety is charming and makes us question ourselves. OF COURSE he's going to try and stop him! Hot daughter or not.

Ironman or not. I can't give this movie a solid 10 like I did #WONDERWOMAN but I will DEFINITELY give it an 8 out if 10 and confess, when it comes out, I am totally buying it in 4k!

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